Topic of her journal was chosen by Master….
Of the three dynamics and personas she enjoys in service to Daddy, she told Him brownie is the one she connects to the most with Him, His slutpuppy so He told her to explain why. It is quite surprising to her that she has always at a very high level clung on to the little girl in her, and she does still but she has found an amazing amount of joy and pleasure being His pet, a dynamic that over 15 years ago when taking her first baby steps into this lifestyle was incredibly interested it, but she never connected with anyone that met all her expectations as an Owner. That may be surprising to some reading that she would have expectations, she does and refuses to settle for anything less knowing if she does learned from past personal experience the emotional relationship with anyone will work and if let long enough will destroy any hopes of completely serving 100% knowing she will inevitably feel unfulfilled as she will struggle to hang on to the emotional aspect and SETTLE.
When she went on her search last August she decided to take a serious attitude in her search knowing if she did not it will be a waste of time for herself and anyone she decides to engage in possibilities of service to. She will have to mention it was a effen exhausting experience many times wanting to throw in the towel but she did not thanks to her last Master who had ordered her to begin her search as He had moved to another country. So she plugged away, she met many wonderful Doms along the way, some well she is sure You can imagine. Now in her postings regarding her search she made it clear contact is made is because her profile was read and they are aware she demands that the Dom be extremely perverse equally to her or preferably more so than her, she also demanded He be a sadist expereinced in most both mentally and physically extreme edge play, she explained she was a littlegirl and if they were not a Daddy do not waste her time.
Then it happened, a Man she had known for years, a Man who was a huge part in her life in the early 2,000’s as someone of comport, a Daddy who she could run to when she felt her world unravelling, a Man who at times would watch her disappear for months at a time, she is she sure even a year but every time she searched Him out there He was, never demanding, never judgmental, always there unconditionally for her to reach out to. So needless to say she was so surprised when He made His intentions known regarding her search, during the first few weeks we began to learn things about each other and much to her surprise, excitement and fear He yes being a Daddy is in search of a sub or slave to train to be His pet, bitch, puppy, taking them to a point of finally surrendering themselves completely. Now anyone that knows her knows dehumanization and becoming what she calls an “IT” is something that was a mind space that just thinking about it and especially if brought up by a Dom in her life was a place in her head that would literally throw her into a tailspin of panic.
At this point she has to mention as a child she experienced trauma to her body and psyche that at that age she was unable to understand so she began to slip into a pretend world to somehow escape the pain and confusion she was suffering through especially the first two years, she made up a safe place for herself, she always thought if she was a dog, puppy a man would not want to ever touch her so for many years since age 10 she even now when having a hard time dealing with life will just escape to a place of peace, safety, comfort a place that after going through His training in dehumanization so far as his pet can say she finds no other dynamic with Master more rewarding and attachment to, a place finally not so long ago she learned again to just “be” as she did as a little girl, ::crying hard:: so much so she did not want to come back from as hard as she tried eventually with Daddy’s help after He got home pulled her back ::crying:: it was the most terrifying thing she has experienced and of course was no longer allowed to engage in that persona, little by little she has learned to control her strong mental pull as His puppy and has been given back a few of her favorites while being His dark, depraved, happy, dumb, silly, horny and very grateful puppy brownie 🐶🐾💙!!!